When God’s Work Goes Horribly Wrong

This is not what I thought I would be working on today…

It started with an email from someone I mistakenly thought I knew.

FROM — Larry Taylor: Hello,This is Larry Taylor,i will like to know if you are available for graphic and illustrator design.

Right away I noticed the careless grammar and failure to greet me by name. But I didn’t think too much of it.

I don’t do freelance graphic design anymore, but I decided to ask what he was looking for so I could lead him in the best direction.

From — Larry Taylor: Hello there, i want you to know that this is the first time I will be doing a Logo design so I can only give you details then you can decide on Colors and designs. I need you to make 3 designs writing “ GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME HE WILL BE GOOD” in the logo and 3 designs writing. “THOSE WHO TRUST IN THE LORD SHALL FIND NEW STRENGTH”. making 6 Logo designs. I need you to include religious. images like cross or dove bird to make the Logos look more different and my budget for this is. $1500.

I decided I would break my ‘no freelancing’ rule. I could knock this out pretty quick, and an extra $1,500 wouldn’t hurt. I agreed to take the job.

From — Larry Taylor: I want you to know my credit card can not process through paypal and. Venmo i should have rectify the issue but due to my illness am unable to go there in person , that why am asking if you have any other merchant if No i want you to download another merchant to run the card Here are card processor Quickbooks merchant or Paymentdepot merchant and add the setup fees to my total estimate and get back to me once done.

At this point I realized that this is some sort of scam.

I didn’t respond and moved on with my day.

But I started wondering how lenient Larry would have been with his design approval process compared to other clients.

I wondered how bad I could make the designs and still get approval.

I sent him a tee shirt design option…

Design #1

FROM — Me: Hi Larry, what do you think of the first design? It is very simple, yet profound. I want the viewer to understand the complexity of the design, yet the power and blessedness that the lord shall bestow upon thou. #blessed

From — Larry Taylor: Am okay with the design.

T-Shirt Design Submission #2

Church Retreat Tee #2

FROM — Me: Ok, thanks. Here is my next design. Here you can see that the cat represents Christ. Even though he has the devil in his eyes, thou lord has bestowed thy crown of mercy upon thee. Therefore, the king has arisen. What do you think?

From — Larry Taylor: This is approved

Tee Shirt Design #3

Church Retreat Tee #3

FROM — Me: Hi Larry, in this tee shirt design hereth the lord bestoweth the riches of thy kingdom of heaven upon these honorable clergy. I feel that the importance of the business people here is not lost to the viewer of this design.

From — Larry Taylor: Ok

Tee Shirt Design #4

Church Retreat Tee #4

FROM — Me: Hi Larry, you will never believe it, but the inspiration for this tee shirt design came to me in a miraculous way. You see, the lord has led me to you so we can spread the preachings of the highest land. A voice came from the heavens as I slept dear Larry. It said that we should seek who is most high. He is I and I is him. I now bestow upon you the ultimate design that I have ever created. And we owe all the inspiration to the lord for these are not my designs, but HIS — He who is most high.

From — Larry Taylor: This is approved

Tee Shirt Design #5

Church Retreat Tee #5

FROM — Me: Here ye, here ye. I hope thy father has found you well dear Larry. The highest one has bestowed upon me amazement and wonder with his latest creation. The kingdom of heaven hath been generous dear Larry. For my latest design bestows not only the magnitude of our Lord, it signifies the mortality of each of us. Yet the arm of Christ is laid here before us in an offering of peace. Oh, Larry before I met you I was only a meager design apprentice, and now the grace and mercy of he who is most high has offered me the honor of bringing the wine and bread to the circumcision of the holy breast. Each tee shirt design hath unbelievable, dearest Larry.

From — Larry Taylor: Ok

Final Tee Shirt Design

Church Retreat Tee #6

FROM — Me: Hi Larry, I now bestow upon thou thine final tee shirt design. I’m a little concerned that I used the same cat from another tee shirt. Do you think the users will have a problem with this? I do feel, however, that Papyrus is clearly the best font to execute this well thought out design. Dearest Larry, will thou grace me with thou final approval for this holier than thou tee shirt?

Crickets…

FROM — Me: Hi Larry, please let me know if you have any revisions for the final design. I have signed up for Quickbooks and I am ready to finalize this project.

From — Larry Taylor: No

Larry didn’t respond to any of my emails after that. Maybe Papyrus wasn’t the right font for this particular design. Or maybe I shouldn’t have used the same cat image again. I guess I’ll never know.

But when I looked at the clock, I realized I had wasted an entire day — and I remembered why I stopped doing freelance.

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